Survival Mode on the Fertility Journey

What Survival Mode Really Feels Like During Fertility Struggles

Have you ever felt like you're constantly waiting, analysing, hoping, worrying, and bracing yourself for what might happen next?

You may be spending more time in survival mode than you realise.

In this episode, we're exploring the emotional toll fertility struggles can have on our minds, bodies and nervous systems, and why feeling exhausted doesn't mean you're failing.

If you're tired of carrying everything alone, this episode will remind you to be a little gentler with yourself.

Resources and free fertility meditations:
www.thefertilitysanctuary.com

www.fertilitynurturehub-365.com

The Fertility Nurture Hub CIC : Funded by The National Lottery

If this episode resonated with you and you'd like a little extra support between episodes, you'll find my free fertility meditations and resources at https://thefertilitysanctuary.com/innersanctuarytw

And if you know someone who might need to hear this today, please feel free to share this episode with them.

Until next time, take care.

Transcript

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1:44

Hi, and welcome back to the Heart of Fertility. Today, I'd like to talk about something I don't think enough people recognize when it comes to fertility struggles. Because I think so many of us spend months, sometimes years, living in a constant state of emotional alertness without even fully realizing it. Always waiting, always waiting, always analyzing, always preparing ourselves for either disappointment or hope, and after a while, it can become exhausting just existing, living inside your own mind. You might notice yourself constantly checking for symptoms. I know I did. Googling things late at night, overthinking a conversation Having that conversation on a loop in your head hours after it happened. And then on top of all of that, feeling unable to fully relax, even during moments that are supposed to be fun. Your body sometimes is physically resting, but your mind never really switches off. I remember longing to find that switch, and I wish I had. How much we're carrying around with us every single day. We tell ourselves, "This is just part of the journey. I'm fine. I just need to keep going." Or, you know, "Everyone else seems to be coping. I can't give up. I can't give in." So we push ourselves, and underneath that, many of us are emotionally running on empty When something matters this deeply to us, something tied to our identity, to hope, to love, and the future we always imagine for ourselves, our brains naturally try to protect us And that's why this happens. We scan for danger, we brace for disappointment, we look for certainty when there isn't any. Even small things start to feel emotionally huge. A text message, a symptom either appearing or disappearing, a pregnancy announcement, a phone call from a clinic, a delayed period, a single comment from someone who didn't mean any harm by it, but it hits you like a punch to the stomach. When you're already emotionally stretched, everything gets amplified. I know this not only from the women that I've talked to or worked with, but from my own experience of trying. I remember the whole dread of conversations at work when inevitably colleagues were talking about their children, or pregnant colleagues talking about their symptoms and kicks, and scans, and things they had bought and looking forward to. Or even as a midwife, the women I was looking after wrapped up in their own happiness. But me on the outside, trying to just put on a brave face and act as if nothing was hurting me inside. My whole body would brace before I even knew what they were going to say. This isn't dramatic. It's not you overreacting. It's, your nervous system. It's doing exactly what it's designed to do under sustained and continuous stress If you've been feeling emotionally exhausted lately, I really want you to know that it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. Your mind and body are responding to something that matters deeply to you. You're not failing because you can't simply switch your thoughts off and switch your mind off. This is how humans are wired to survive. When we feel under threat, we scan for danger until that danger has passed. But the trouble with fertility is that the emotional threat can last months and sometimes years. And I believe that this journey becomes even harder when we never allow ourselves moments to feel safe within it, moments where our nervous system is allowed to stop Even briefly. Not because we're giving up hope, we don't wanna do that, but because we deserve some moments of rest, some moments where we don't feel under threat And sometimes rest isn't about fixing everything. Sometimes it's simply allowing ourselves to exist just for a few moments without scanning for what might go wrong next For the next disappointment or the next hurtful comment or reminder of the one thing that we want but still seems so far out of reach. So before we finish today, I'd love to invite you to a tiny little reset with me Just take a moment just for you Gently notice your breathing Just for a moment, notice where your shoulders are sitting Are they high? Are they close to your ears? And if so, just let them drop Notice your jaw as it clenched If so, just let it relax If it's safe to do so, close your eyes a moment and ask yourself What do I need today emotionally, physically, mentally? What do I need that I may have been ignoring? Wait a moment and see what surfaces. It might be a feeling, a thought an emotion Whatever it is Take notice. What might it be trying to tell you? Our bodies often know things long before we do You don't need to solve everything today. You don't need to have all the answers, and you don't need to carry this perfectly Just notice And if you can, give your body or your mind that thing that it's asking for. Maybe it's just a little more time for you Just to have a break from thinking about things for a while, if you can, and doing something nice Just for you A nice warm candlelit bath Your favorite drink? Like a hot chocolate Just a hug. Just stop a moment and make sure you have that If you take one thing from today, let it be this Surviving this journey one day at a time is not a small thing. It's not just getting by. It's enormous, and it deserves to be recognized as such. If you'd like a little more support in finding those moments of rest, my free meditations were created exactly for this. Gentle spaces that I wish I'd had on my journey that can help your nervous system remember what safety feels like even in the middle of uncertainty You'll find the link below in the show notes. And thank you for spending this time with me today. Be gentle with yourself this week, and I'll see you in the next episode